How do you deal with people on a day to day basis that judge you and treat you cruelly due to your disability? Trust me sometimes I wish I had a big huge hand that could come out of nowhere and “you know what” slap some people. Unfortunately, we are not this lucky and would be on some level considered violent. So, we stand up for ourselves and typically say something and then spend the next few hours still stewing over this less than ideal situation that has us in a tizzy. Who does this? Anyone? Anyone? Any takers? I feel like I can see the crowd of hands flying up right now.
This morning I found myself pulling into work. I pull into the handicap spot asI do daily and to the left of my car was a big white van. I didn’t recognize the van as it was not someone that was part of our building. Must have been a vendor here to work on something within the building. I saw no one in the van. I went about my business gathering up my purse and cane and started to open my car door to get out. At that same time a man came around the side of the van which was apparently his and began to open all the doors to it and started unloading a large cart full of equipment. Keep in mind my door was already open and I was trying to get out of my vehicle. I politely said, “excuse me but can you let me out of my car first please?” He grumbled back at me saying “well I’m busy and I have things to get done”. Like what did he expect me to do? Sit in my car and wait until he was good and ready to let me out of my own vehicle? Another co worker and friend of mine was walking up and saw what was happening and said to the man “My friend is trying to get out of her car, and she’s disabled. Do you see her trying to get out?” He replied to my friend “Yes I see her, she can wait”. At that point my door was still cracked so I can hear everything going on. I stumbled out of my car juggling my purse, my pitaya bowl and my walking cane all while maneuvering around his open van doors and rolling cart full of equipment. At that point my “east coast Italian” nature was kicking in and I had a slew of things I wanted to say. I know that if I allow myself to take stress to a crazy level it will only bring me down. So, I kept quiet and managed to get out of my car. Now I am sandwiched in between two of his van doors and he refused to close them. So I did the next best thing and slammed them shut saying “you should be ashamed”. My next step was to take photos of his van and company logo with license plate. Thankfully my friend was 10 steps ahead of me and tells me in front of him “I’m already texting you his lic. Plate and company name”. I love good friends! When you need back up, they are right there to assist!
Moral of my rant is that yes, we can choose to get angry and let the stress and frustration take us down right with the jerk that set us off but what’s the point? There is no point. What this man did was not only rude but against ADA guidelines. You can not block a handicap spot for one and two you can not purposely not allow a disabled person to not exit their vehicle. I informed the building management and they immediately called his company to file a complaint. Happy Thursday friend!
Everyone is busy, everyone is stressing about something. It’s part of “adulting”. I get it. But there comes a point where we have to take a step back and realize that we are powerless over other people’s actions. I can’t fix him. I can’t talk to him to understand why he treated me the way he did. I can’t explain my condition to a stranger in hopes of changing how he treats people with disabilities. I don’t have that power.
Learning when to just “walk away” is definitely a struggle for me because I’ll be honest…sometimes I enjoy a good fight. Maybe it’s the east coast rat in me. But more importantly we are all human. We get upset. We get mad. We feel frustrated. That’s all ok. But learning to walk away will bring you back to peace faster than stewing all day in a crappy situation. We have to constantly advocate for ourselves. It’s a daily event for me now. People constantly ask “what happened?” “What’s wrong with you?” That’s my favorite one. “What’s wrong with you?” I always say back “Nothing, what’s wrong with you?” In the end what else is there to be said. My mobility aid or the fact I walk funny is not a green light to invite you into my life. You can always tell who is being genuine and who is just being nosy. I variate my replies from person to person. But we keep trudging on and try to live our lives as inconspicuous as possible. One day at a time.